I am 36, which kinda sucks. Regret and envy are my constant companions, because I am a little, little man sometimes.
I am getting pushy because I’m 36 and I’ve done so little with my life. Yes. Whose fault is that? Yes, I know. Fuck you too.

Anyway, I am going to get pushy because I used to be afraid that I would offend someone (and somehow, they would take the key of happiness away from me.) Now, I realize how stupid I was. I was stupid and scared in this way for thirteen years. Its time for this to end.

• I am envious of someone who honestly had less talent than me, but a fine ass. I knew her in high school. She is going to be an anchor on Fox’s new business channel. I had way more promise than her, and I fucked it up (or, to properly place the blame, my depression fucked it up for me.)
• The other person I am envious of is a friend. He just got tenure at a University. Seeing how wonderful his life is now, I am deeply envious. I don’t hate him, and I think his ass is merely okay. So, perhaps this is a wake up call.
• Another person who I went to college with just became a Google multimillionaire. I am happy for him; I think he’s a great guy. But I burn with envy.

My goal? Well, I used to want to be a director (and with the advent of YouTube and the like, it is probably worth trying it again). Now, though, I want to have alot of money. I know: who doesn’t, right? A pretty shallow dream. However, I always liked math, and my goal is to understand Math of Finance well enough to do some trading and make bank.

My goal is $10 million. Once I get $10 million, I am putting Dominos and a few steakhouses on speeddial and buying a 42″ TV with cable because I am never working again. I may not ever jog again, either, but that remains to be seen.

The funny thing is, I know in my heart of hearts that I really don’t want the money. I just want power. I just want to be listened to, and given a little respect.

Unfortunately, my country has a problem in that it only respects people with money.

Wait a minute - is that my country’s problem? Or my problem? And what am I going to do about that?